After the chaos of the first four weeks with a newborn—often called the Golden Month—where time feels distorted, days and nights blur together, and self-care becomes a distant memory, you may finally start to see a routine emerge for your baby. Yay! Days begin to regain some structure.

But four weeks is also when any relatives or friends who came to help may leave, your postpartum doula or night nanny may finish her contract, and your partner might be back at work. Suddenly, you’re alone with your baby, and your entire schedule revolves around his. With few people to connect with, your days can quickly become lonely—an endless loop of feeding, diaper changes, and naps.

«I will be the first to admit that while I absolutely adore my son and love those moments of just staring at him, holding him close while he naps, and not even minding the 56th diaper change of the day, there are times when I just wish I could step outside without having to do complicated math to anticipate when he will need to eat or sleep next, or get frustrated when a 30-minute nap only gives me enough time to do… well, nothing».

Routine is necessary, but it can also become monotonous. Our newborns need routine, and to some extent, so do we. But without anyone else to share our days with, that routine can quickly drive us mad.

The benefits of routines

Many baby experts recommend implementing a flexible schedule for babies as early as 4 weeks. Rather than following a rigid schedule, parents are encouraged to implement a flexible approach based on their baby’s hunger and sleep cues, and following a predictable sequence of activities - or routine (sleep, eat, play, although experts’ advice vary on the order).

Dr. Harvey Karp, a renowned pediatrician and author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, inventor of The 5 S’s for soothing baby, and creator of the Snoo Smart Sleeper Bassinet, acknowledges that baby schedules are a modern concept. “In ancient times, parents didn’t feed their babies or put them down for naps according to the time on the sundial. No one was following wake windows or charting their little one’s feeds on an app!”

In fact, there is little research confirming that newborns and infants (0-1 year) need a rigid schedule. However, many experts agree that routines bring a sense of security and predictability to both babies and parents! In today’s fast-paced, productivity-oriented world, having a structured schedule can give parents a sense of control and make their lives easier.

After those first chaotic weeks where days and nights were indistinguishable, meals were eaten whenever possible and showers were optional, establishing some kind of schedule can feel like a lifeline.

« I remember the moment I finally felt like I was emerging from the newborn fog: I had managed to shower before 10 a.m. three days in a row! My son had just turned one month old, and I was slowly beginning to feel like a human again. I was excited to start planning my days, even if they still revolved around his schedule».

Then come the groundhog days

« Once my baby and I settled into a predictable rhythm, I was finally able to meet my basic needs daily. But before long, I started feeling trapped in an endless loop of baby care, obsessively checking logs in my baby-tracking app and reliving the same day over and over again. It felt like the movie Groundhog Day, except instead of Bill Murray, it was me and my newborn starring in it.

I’m part of several mom groups on Facebook, and I remember one mom posting anonymously, admitting that she couldn’t wait to go back to work because she couldn’t stand how repetitive her days had become. She felt overwhelmed by guilt and was hoping to find other moms who felt the same. The comments on her post were mostly supportive.

Another mom questioned whether she had made the right decision to be a stay-at-home mom and wondered if it made her a bad mom to consider hiring a part-time nanny just so she could have time to herself. One mom simply wrote: “My daughter is 2 months old, and we are both starting to want to do more than eat, sleep, and poop!”. Judging by the number of likes and comments, many moms felt the same… me included!

By 6 weeks, my baby and I had established a nap routine – one nap in his crib, one in my arms and one in the stroller. Stroller naps worked wonders for both my children during their early months! I often went to the same park during those naps, and I frequently saw other moms doing exactly the same thing.

One day, I kept passing a group of three women pushing strollers while chatting. After a few laps, one of them smiled at me. The next time we crossed paths, she introduced herself. We bonded over how well our babies napped in the stroller—even in subzero temperatures! She mentioned that she and her friends were part of a neighborhood WhatsApp group for parents and invited me to join.

The group had been started by a mom who, like me, had felt isolated and trapped by her baby’s schedule. She began inviting every mom she met to join and encouraged them to add other moms they knew. It quickly grew into a supportive community with sub-groups for playdates, event sharing, and even baby-item exchanges.

Now, on any given day, someone will post: “About to go for a walk, who wants to join?” Others will reply: “I’ll join once Lisa wakes up from her nap!” or “I’m already out with Lindsey in the stroller, come meet me!” We exchange tips on everything from mom brain to baby gear to recipes.

Even though I haven’t met most of these moms in person, I feel closer to them than I do to some of my childless friends at the moment».

Build connections to break the isolation

Despite living in a hyper-connected digital world, we have never felt more alone. A 2021 study commissioned by Cigna Corporation found that more than half of U.S. adults (58%) are considered lonely, and this number is comparable to pre-pandemic levels. Parents and Guardians are more likely to be lonely than non-parents, with 69% of mothers likely to be considered lonely. The lack of social connection poses such a significant risk for individual health that the US Surgeon Vivek Murthy issued a report in 2023 warning of the increasing toll of loneliness in America.

Thankfully there are many ways to seek connection and support as a new mom:

Parent groups on Facebook: Every neighborhood in NYC has one—Upper West Side Parents has 38k members, and Moms of the Upper East Side (MUES) has over 32k. LA Mommies® has 72k members, Atlanta Moms Group 27k. No matter where you live, chances are there’s a parent group in your area.

Local parent groups: Some require a fee, like Brooklyn’s Park Slope Parents ($55*/year for access to 7,000+ families and 350+ events). Others, like Mysha, founded in 2019 and now with pods in 5 locations “offer a high-touch experience with a focus on quality interactions and connections”. Fees start at $695* for a remote membership.

Apps like Peanut: A social networking app founded in 2017 that allows women to connect with others at similar parenting stages, join topic-based groups, and even chat with experts.

Babies classes and activities are also a great way to meet other parents.

Aside from official groups, simply engaging in everyday interactions can help combat loneliness.

« For me, part of my routine is getting a matcha latte from the same coffee shop before my daily stroller walk. After a few visits, the baristas started asking about my son. I told them how my matcha latte had become a little act of self-care—one that brought me so much joy. Now, every day, they greet me warmly, send me off with a smile, and say, “Enjoy your walk today!” It’s a small interaction, but it makes a huge difference in my day. »

You don’t have to trap yourself in the Groundhog Day version of newborn life. Once the first few weeks pass, you can support your baby’s needs while also meeting your own need for social connection. In fact, this may be the perfect time to make new friends!

If you’re feeling isolated, frustrated, or unsure where to turn—start looking for Facebook groups, parenting communities, or baby activities in your area. Or, better yet, create your own!

How have you been coping with the loneliness and repetition of newborn days?

— Valérie

PS: For NYC parents, here’s a non-exhaustive list of local parent groups. Feel free to add others in the comments if you know of any!